What do u want to do?

Funny thing in life is....when u look back at it it seems pointless.....just today I was musing on the past 24 years of my existence.....oh I am getting a bit ahead of myself here so let me start at the beginning. In another 3 (or is it 2 ) days time it will be six years since I met a girl who boldly and rather brashly (considering the group we were in) came up to me and held out a friendship day card and asked me to be her friend......In the past six years we have had our ups and downs.....Some very memorable moments and some that I would like to forget forever but never can.......As I was contemplating this momentous point in my life (for a geek like me who until college didn't know girls existed this is as big as it gets) I felt a tinge of pain for all that I had made her go through in the name of friendship. I actually tried to count the number of times I made her laugh and the number of times I made her cry. Guess what!!!! Cry won hands down. Its sad because we had something really special. We understood each other like no 2 people can and it was magical 'cause we were poles apart (universes would be more like it!!!). Well now we are just 2 people who know each other. Yah I care about her and she feels the same way about me but its become more impersonal. Its like we have put up barriers we are unwilling to cross between us. And this has more to do with fear - fear of hurt, fear of pain and fear of what we have and will become if we get close enough again. Though I say I totally understand and nod my head, I really don't. Maybe because I refuse to grow up and she is already responsible enough to take on the world if she has to. Somehow I want to cling to the past when everything was so rosy and nice. Probably I didn't get enough time to grow up. I don't know. When I see other 24 year olds around me I see people who have done something with their lives.....anything. However small it may be. I somehow don't seem to feel the satisfaction of accomplishing anything. Its like I am waiting for something to happen. I can feel it at the edge of my fingertips and yet I don't know what it is. So what do I want? Love, Life or Ambition? .......No Answer